Re-Imagining the way we do school in order to provide every young person with an authentic and meaningful learning experience. The kind of learning that lasts a lifetime not just for a test.
As the adage says, we are never too old to learn something new.
This is true, especially now that massive amounts of information are only a click away.
Those of us who are dubbed, Digital Immigrants are often schooled by our younger counter parts, the so called digital natives. Those terms surfaced a while ago but remind me of the great divide in generations that seems to be getting greater.
Case in point, my generation, the Baby Boomers, are apparently the cause of everything that’s gone wrong over the past years. There may be some truth to that! My parents were called “The Greatest Generation” and in my opinion, rightly so.
In a recent conversation with a couple of my grandchildren, I recalled the many technological advances that weren’t around when I was a young child. It seems rather impossible to consider life without a cell phone or computer. The bewilderment that comes when I share the most simple givens of life “back in the day” as compared to now is both comical and telling.
When I remember my teacher training courses and staff development in-services during my early years as a teacher I felt a sense of competency and accomplishment. I observed a correlation and relevancy as I worked to transfer that knowledge with the real life scenarios I faced in the classroom.
As the years passed and technological discoveries increased as well as the responsibilities given to teachers, I sensed the old school knowledge and skills were soon becoming obsolete. I learned along with many of my colleagues how to adapt and change with those discoveries. We learned, sometimes reluctantly, how to utilize them in the classrooms and to help others become comfortable users as well.
Towards the end of my educational schooling career, I began to see incredible gaps and inconsistencies in teacher pre and in-service training. My concern grew out of the need to provide relevant, current and meaningful access to the ever increasing knowledge that presents itself to the learners everyday.
If young people want to gather information on a topic of interest they do a search. We can still guide them in identifying credible sources and references but they are off and running tracking down the information they seek. They are quite capable.
To some extent a teacher has become more of a facilitator/coach than an imparter of knowledge. Yet we continue to insist on hours in a seat, listening to lectures and preparing our students for test taking. The structure and delivery method utilized in the classroom has changed ever so slightly since my early days of teaching.
How can young people reconcile this educational delivery method with the one they use for every other interest they have in life?
As I have promoted since before the publication of my book, Learning Unleashed, our delivery approach to education via the typical schooling format can be stifling and utter torture for a large swath of children who already know how to get from A to Z without having someone tell them, repeatedly. So they acquiesce, they follow the rules, the comply. Some don’t and they usually end up in trouble.
It is a totally different era in learning. Even the youngest teachers who begin their careers as digital natives are already running a race to keep pace with the changes as they happen. Often with a school district ill equipped or financially unable to wholesale “change out everything” to make way for the newest or the best.
For many children, our public schools offer a chance for access to technology even if it is not the most current. For others, the world outside of conventional schooling open doors and opportunities not found in public and even some private schools.
The important point here is a format that enables learning.
There will always be a vital need for technology in the learning paradigm. But the way in which young people can access learning has to begin with enough time and the opportunity for integration. Both of these are hard to come by in a scheduled, test crazed environment in schools.
Something is on the horizon and it is encouraging to witness.
Change is inevitable and hard but it’s the only way forward.
What a great time to revisit a snippet from my 2016 book, Learning Unleashed – Reimagining and Repurposing Our Schools.
An excerpt from my conclusion on pages 121-122.
“Some public education employees fear that they will cease to exist if too many options are available, but we know that the one-size-fits-all approach has not worked well for quite some time. Choice is always good. Choice brings freedom. Choice liberates and educates. This is not a political issue but a moral one steeped in the notion that access to learning is a fundamental human right. Controlling the learning of another is not freedom and not a basic principle of liberty. We must have choice; however we must choose wisely.”
“Choice is where the problem squarely lies. Many loving families provide a solid and secure beginning where children learn and thrive and excel. They also have the power to make choices. That, however, is not true across the board. Whatever the reason, whether poverty, apathy, or ignorance, we are facing one of the greatest and most heart-breaking educational challenges of our time. Choice is the missing piece and the one important factor that keeps many young children oppressed. It is for these children that we must find a way to make our public school work better.”
“Educational freedom for all students is a must, not an option. Parents and educators want a better system for their children and students. On behalf of the millions of children whose voices have been silenced for too long, it’s time to change direction. Our children are depending upon us. We owe it to them.”
I am encouraged by the groundswell of movement in the direction of educational choice that is currently underway across the United States. The amount of traction this movement is garnering is formidable.
This has not always been the case.
Choice in every other aspect of life is given high priority as a human right. But when it comes to the education of our young people, choice has been reserved for the wealthy.
In recent years it has been stereotyped, demonized, downplayed and branded as fanatical.
Then came the pandemic and school closings.
Not everyone returned to school however.
Every time I read about a new avenue for learning that focuses on the students rather than the system, I am elated. For example, former public school teachers, parents and other concerned citizens are banding together forging new territory, opening micro schools or other types of alternative pathways for student to access and participate in their learning. Their knowledge of what doesn’t work in schools coupled with their observable experience of what does work, equips them to create solid and viable options for learning. They are popping up all over the country.
Here is a great resource to follow if you are interested in finding out more about these alternatives. Kerry McDonald provides first-hand accounts of start-ups that have been successful in her podcasts. See below. She is also on X. Follow her there as well.
Homeschooling is also on the rise, especially since the Covid pandemic. The homeschooling demographic is more broad and diverse than previously reported and offers distinct benefits for many families who chose that route.
Corey A. DeAngelis is also a great resource on school choice. See below.
There are four distinct seasons where I live; summer, autumn, winter and spring. That plays out differently depending upon where we live of course.
There are also seasons in our lives that are distinctly marked. These can be important milestones or events, unforeseen tragedy or adversity.
As autumn is in full bloom this beautiful fall day, I am reminded of the many seasons that have come and gone in my seventy years here on the planet we call Earth.
Interestingly, I have lived through four distinct seasons of life.
My first season lasted 20 years and laid the foundation. This time marked my formative years of schooling and self-discovery. Looking back, I am thankful for the experiences I had but also wish I had savored my time better. Each moment of discovery, each new learning was like a blip on the radar. During this season I identified some hopes and dreams. The significant take away was the formation of my character, the importance of family and the power of love.
My second season lasted 26 years. It challenged me to live knowing that my childhood hopes and dreams were maturing along with me. Being loved by my husband beyond my comprehension and giving birth to four incredibly beautiful human beings cemented the importance of family and the overwhelming power of love. Sacrifice and humility were among a few of the many lessons learned along the way. Having those around me reach out in love during times of need solidified the value of strong relationships.
The third season, lasting about 16 years, was marked with a unique realization of every hope and every dream as well as those I didn’t know I had. Experiencing lifelong hopes and dreams is simply amazing and perhaps not afforded to many. I am thankful to say the least. It brought both growth and reflection. It gave me a clearer perspective on life. It taught me what is truly important, one being unconditional love. The relationships we build with family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and those we don’t know well lay the foundation for living out OUR hopes and dreams.
The current season, so far 8 years for me, is the manifestation of what I call becoming a person. Seventy years to find out who I am? Yikes!
Becoming a person is discovering that in every relationship where I can show love, I become a better person. It has taken a lifetime to get here. I am not sure how long this season will last, I think it’s my last one, but it is by far the best. This season is markedly different because it is far less about me and far more about others.
The seasons of our lives all have important milestones, lessons to learn, hurdles to jump and challenges to face. What we come away with at the end is important.
“We should treat each other as if we we are better than we really are.” J. Laird
My faith tells me this and my life provides the opportunity to demonstrate it. I will embrace both.
As promised, I am sharing this little snapshot of a day or two in the life of a homeschool mom and teenage daughter. They happen to be my daughter and granddaughter. For those of you who are able to homeschool, field trips are one of the most educational and rewarding adventures. The key is to find your child’s interest, hobbies, likes and curiosities and learn with them. It’s a short time span in their lives and passes so quickly. It’s an investment of your time, perhaps some finances, a lot of energy and imagination that is so well worth it.
Homeschool Adventures by Amy
I LOVE adventure! The feeling of going off into the unknown and exploring a new place is exhilarating to me. I can’t wait to discover something unique and interesting.
Now to some people this may be very frightening and more of a nightmare than fun. But for me, as a very curious person, I welcome opportunities to learn about things I don’t know. So as a homeschool mom, I have incorporated as much adventure into our journey as I can.
I have two children and have homeschooled for about eleven years, not consecutively. We have tried private school, public school, and homeschool and by far homeschooling is the right fit. My son is now twenty and off on his own adventure, but I still have my daughter in high school. Yes, high schoolers can have adventures too. The key is doing something they like; getting into their world.
Some random interests that I have learned about over the years through my kids are, building lego kits, Star Wars light saber fights, demolition derbies, monster trucks, every firework imaginable, RC cars, archeology, anime (not my fav), different music artists, adventure book series, baking (definitely not my expertise), how to make believe and be creative.
Now to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t have picked any of those except maybe different music artists. I don’t like Star Wars, I do like seeing fireworks, but setting them off makes me very nervous. I really don’t get anime and I’m not a fiction reader at all. I’m more of a type A person that can’t be bothered with keeping my head in the clouds, and I’m like the worst baker.
However, when I try to make every opportunity for my kids to have the tools they need, or bring them to places to make their interest “come alive” it brings me great joy. To see their eyes light up and run with their passions is one of the most rewarding and satisfying things to see.
Homeschooling has afforded us with that lifelong enrichment.
I also really love to travel. I love to travel so much that I created a “field trip guide” about forty four pages long on a variety of places to go in a four state region. Many of these places I have visited, but there are also quite a few that I haven’t. Some are free and others require paid admission. There is so much to do and little time to accomplish it all, but one by one, I try to cross off a new place when we visit.
A place we recently discovered while doing research for the field trip guide was Doylestown, Pennsylvania (about one hour north of Philadelphia). In Doylestown, there are two places called Fonthill Castle & Mercer Museum created by the same guy around the turn of the 20th century. I chose this place because I really love architecture and my daughter really likes history and archeology.
We had a little two night trip just me and her. I rented an affordable Airbnb close by and it was located by a beautiful park and an adorable covered bridge. It is such a quaint little town in Buck’s county on the outskirts of Doylestown. In the park there was a lovely walking trail and we were able to explore.
In the evening I headed out to get dinner to bring back to where we were staying so I drove into Doylestown and I fell in love with the place. It has old fashioned street lights, many shops and restaurants with people bustling about without it feeling too crowded. The architecture of the buildings are picture-worthy.
There is a great selection of restaurants and several organic, health conscience, vegan, gluten-free options to consider. There were pubs, old inns, Mexican, Italian, and Japanese food, an old Art Deco style theater, alleyways with historical buildings, outdoor patios, ice cream and candy shops, bookstores and much more. I couldn’t wait to get back and tell my daughter what I discovered!
The second day of our journey we set off to see the Mercer Museum. This is a concrete constructed castle-like building. A well-to-do man named Henry Mercer grew up on farms around Doylestown. He was very fascinated by castles as a young boy and pursued unique endeavors as he grew into adulthood. He was able to travel overseas and became an accomplished Renaissance man. His resume includes “a noted tile-maker, archeologist, antiquarian, artist, writer, and leader in the turn-of-the-20th century Arts & Crafts movement”.
He created the Mercer Museum specifically to house his vast collection of early American everyday objects. There are more than thirty thousand items that he numbered and cataloged himself, representing over sixty crafts and trades like woodworking, metalworking, agricultural, textiles and transportation tools.
He built from scratch his museum, house and tileworks building with only a small crew. The museum has about seven floors. He specifically built into the concrete on the walls and ceiling metal hooks to hold artifacts. Suspended from the hooks are large items like a whaling boat, horse-drawn carriage, antique fire engine, and old fashioned farming machines. We were mesmerized and amazed at the items and details that he included.
Doylestown hosts a lot of events and has a vibrant town council that keeps the place looking beautiful. I also found out that the museum has internships and camps.
After visiting the museum, we were able to walk around town. We found this “hole-in-the-wall” (literally) place to eat called Empanada Mama. You walk up to the half door in the alleyway and order and receive your food. They make only empanadas and use fresh ingredients locally sourced. There was quite the selection to choose from and when we received ours, it was piping hot. We found a little bench and enjoyed our lunch.
After lunch, the first place my daughter wanted to go into was an old record store. Next she saw an old used bookstore. We found an awesome buy, a beautiful leather bound complete collection of Jane Austin novels for only ten dollars!
After exploring the shops throughout the town, we headed over to Fonthill Castle. This was Henry Mercer’s estate. It was very unique to say the least. It was built from 1908 to 1912. There were so many nooks and crannies and hidden places. There are forty four rooms, eighteen fireplaces, thirty two staircases, and more than 200 windows in various shapes and sizes.
Every room, hallway, staircase and wherever is decorated with Moravian tiles that he hand crafted himself. He also made a lot of the furniture built-in to the walls out of concrete. Can you believe that he had just a rough sketch and no formal plans or blueprints? The grounds of the estate were beautiful as well. He had extensive trails through his arboretum, a cute little pond, and a wellhouse.
We had so much fun in this little town and greatly enjoyed ourselves. We definitely want to come back because there was so much more to explore. We didn’t make it to the art museum that is housed out of an old prison compound. We would like to visit Mr. Mercer’s Moravian Pottery & Tile Works to see how all his creative tiles were made in which he loved to decorate. There is a Historical Society and Train station, and several libraries (my daughter’s favorite).
My daughter is thinking about having her own tea shop and bookstore. We imagined together how she could carve out a living there. With her love for libraries and history, she could be a tour guide and librarian part-time while writing (another passion of hers) and starting a tea shop bookstore. She loved it! I loved it! We bonded more, we dreamt together about her future and opportunities, we laughed, we people-watched, we learned, and we satisfied our need for adventure.
If it wasn’t for homeschooling, we would have never had a chance to do this leisurely in the middle of the week. I’m very thankful!
If you are an adventure lover and like to travel like me, feel free to contact me and share about yours. Contact me if you would like more information about the field trip guide that I created. My email address is funwithhomeschool2018@gmail.com The field trip guide covers destinations in Virginia, West Virginia, Pennsylvania and Maryland.
The year was 1985 when I secured my first teaching job. After giving birth to my four children and staying home with them for eleven years before heading to the classroom, I was anxious and excited to start this career I always knew I wanted from the time I was five years old.
I taught part time and substituted here and there while my children were younger but remained home to be with them most of the time. Having my mom and a good friend nearby helped. I had a chance to exercise my teaching skills at my church Sunday school and summer programs. I loved being with kids so I sought opportunities when I could. It was rewarding but I longed for a classroom of my own.
I taught full time for eleven years in both private and public schools and then discovered a desire to help teachers and students in an administrative capacity. I held various administrative positions from 1996 to 2015 when I retired as an Assistant Superintendent of a school district in northern California.
I always had the heart of a teacher which I considered essential in taking on the responsibility of nurturing and guiding a room full of someone else’s children. I frequently asked the question, “What if this was my child, what would I want them to know and be able to do? How would I want them to feel in my classroom?”
As each year progressed, I experienced a rigid and regimented system of batching, labeling, herding, coercing, bribing and punishing on a daily basis. I saw children who just needed a little more time but rarely got it. I saw fearful, upset, active and aggressive young people acting out, seeking attention, looking for someone to notice them in a positive light. I heard parents asking how they can help and some so frustrated with the system they just gave up.
I also saw what teachers would call the “good” ones as compliant, quiet, polite and obedient getting most of that positive attention. These were the ones who could follow directions, hear and do the first time asked, and seemed well-suited to the school framework of listen and learn then repeat.
Participating in the institution of schooling by way of showing up every day, doing my job and collecting a paycheck I felt responsible for all its faults and shortcomings that became increasingly obvious to me. I tried to offer a different perspective on learning, teaching, grading, and a multitude of other system practices. I saw sincere teachers and some administrators who also wanted some sanity for our children in the midst of the ever looming high stakes testing, standardized curriculum and ineffective grading and reporting practices.
It was an uphill battle indeed. I stayed positive enough and retired after 30 years in the schooling world. Before I retired I started gathering my thoughts and decided that perhaps writing a book on some of the ways we could do schooling better than we have would offer the reader a much needed perspective. I was optimistic and hopeful. Rowman and Littlefield published my book in 2016 one year after I retired.
Since writing that book, my convictions have become even stronger. I am certain now that the schooling system won’t change because it can’t. It’s entrenched in years of repeated mediocracy and indifference.
I have observed what is happening in schools now, what we are asking teachers to do, what it has become and what it still is. Parents learned the inherent flaws, inconsistencies and limitations intimately during the past three years during the COVID pandemic. Eyes were opened for many which resulted in a larger demand for other choices like private, homeschooling, micro schools, learning pods, self-directed learning and a plethora of new entrepreneurial learning start ups. It is an exciting time.
Simply put, school as we know it is a social construct that has run its course. We are embarking on a new learning journey where parents, teachers, community members and young people are yearning and looking for something better, more relevant, more child-centered. Teachers who find themselves in this group are starting to venture out with likeminded individuals to start new models with this in mind.
I titled my 2016 book, Learning Unleashed – Reimagining and Repurposing Our Schools. The time has come to unleash the children from the old paradigm of schooling to a world of new possibilities. Our future depends on it.
If you are a parent there are resources available to you. If you are a teacher looking for something more aligned to your teaching heart there are like minded people to journey with you. If you are a young person ask those tough questions, think critically for yourself and be willing to stretch your horizons.
It can start with reading, learning, dialog and conversation. I have listed a few people I follow.
Have you ever lost your way in a corn maze? I have, more than once. Thankfully I had helpers with me to point me in the right direction. Getting lost is a scary thought. Finding your way is exhilarating.
My grandson Troy told me about a recent corn maze he visited with his mom and older cousin, Alexis. He said that the kids’ maze was “ridiculously easy” but the big people maze was a bit more challenging. He said he found his way out of that one too. I’m not surprised.
I loved watching his face as he described the ins and outs of corn mazes and his fascination with finding the exit.
Seeing the world through the eyes of a child is an effective antidote to the ills of complacency, ignorance, apathy and boredom. There are added benefits as well that include ample opportunities for laughter, elements of surprise, and a good dose of unconditional love. It also has the potential to shed light on our faulty assumptions about learning and teaching. This corn maze was another one of those learning moments.
I continue to find my old assumptions about teaching and learning challenged as I spend time with any of my grandchildren. Every one of them has been homeschooled for either all or a large portion of their young lives.
It is reported that the number of home schooling families has risen sharply over the last couple of years and is still rising.
It is estimated that over 11% of all school aged children in the United States are now being homeschooled. That is approximately seven to eight million children. While the pandemic spurred this outcome, other factors contribute to the rise. Whatever the reason, homeschooling experienced an historic surge and appears to be alive and well in the midst of a return to the classrooms around the country.
My years of being both a teacher and an administrator has provided me with a traditional perspective on teaching and learning. Observing, participating and assisting in the homeschooling of several grandchildren has given me a unique and different perspective. Watching my grandson close up for the past four years has catapulted me into a totally different and exciting realm.
I know that not everyone can or wants to homeschool. I realize that time, finances, temperament and resources may influence the decision to homeschool. With that being said, I still believe that it provides an incredible advantage on multiple levels. Therefore, I will continue to support, encourage and congratulate those who choose homeschooling as an avenue for learning.
Homeschooling is not an easy choice, but may be a bit easier than a “big people” corn maze.
Next time, I will feature an example of my daughter Amy’s homeschooling journey and a link to her incredible field trip resource guide.
Any parent who hears their baby speak for the first time knows how exhilarating that sound is. There is a definite distinction between babbling and a real bono fide word. What will it be first, mama or dada or some variation of the caregiver’s name? We wait anxiously for that moment and congratulate the child with accolades, excitement, and even hugs and kisses. It’s a milestone for sure.
Once they have mastered a basic vocabulary of a two or three year old, it’s usually smooth sailing from that point on, even with various pronunciations. It’s amazing to hear a child develop a large vocabulary from simply listening to others speak.
It doesn’t take long for a young child to learn the power of words. After sorting through and perhaps using them indiscriminately, they discover the wonderful ability to communicate just about every need or want.
As an example, my soon to be four year old grandson eagerly explained to me that he wanted to go to the bike store near his preschool. I asked if he had ever been there before or if mommy or daddy took him there. He replied, “No they didn’t.” I asked how he knew about it and he answered, “Because I see it every day on my way to school and I’d like to see the bikes inside.”
I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t sure if I would honor his request. While strapping him into his car seat after picking him up at school, he provided me with the most convincing rationale for why I should stop there before we headed home.
“Grammy, trust me you’re going to love this bike store. It has really cool bikes that we could both look at and it won’t take too long. We can stop now because it is right here. We have time. Trust me, trust me you’re really going to love it!”
His speech sounded convincing enough and we did have enough time, so of course I stopped at the bike store and we both enjoyed our visit. He consulted the owner about a bike he liked and also asked if they did repairs. He asked if he could see how and where the owner fixes bikes. The owner was incredibly obliging and showed us his work station. He gave Troy a key chain and showed him all the various tools he uses.
Troy talked about the store on the ride back home, what he had learned, what he thought was interesting. He explained that he might want to go back there again even though he already has a bike, because eventually he would need a bigger one.
Thinking of his future, I can’t help but wonder if his command of the English language will take him very far in life. At the very least it will serve him well accomplishing his goals over the next few years. There will no doubt be more interesting places he’ll want to visit. As Troy would say, “Trust me!”
For those of you who teach in schools, homeschool or work with school-aged children, you may have heard of the story called Flat Stanley. Short version finds Stanley in an accident and smashed flat. This enables him to go places where he might not otherwise be able to go. Stanley then proceeds to visit family and friends around the country via the U.S. mail system. He may even find himself in another country. He spends time with his guests and is included in photos that depict his adventures. Stanley is mailed back to the classroom and children share all the different places he’s been and all of his adventures.
My grandson in Oklahoma sent me his Flat “Griffin” a few weeks ago. I took this challenge quite seriously and brought him everywhere I went, including the grocery store. He fit well in my purse and only suffered a few crinkles. Except for the day we went to the park with my youngest grandson Troy. That day Flat Griff had a real workout.
He climbed up bars and down slides. He flapped in the wind on the swings. He landed on the soft bark more than once without an injury. It was his last ride down the slide that ended his fun day at the playground. Poor Flat Griff broke his arm. We checked to see if he was okay and then tucked him and his arm in Grammy’s purse for safe keeping.
When we arrived back home we taped him up without a whimper. He was so brave.
We ended our time with Flat Griffin by taking a road trip to the mountains. He enjoyed seeing three different states and stopping at a favorite sports store of his uncles.
We mailed him back to Oklahoma and hope that he arrived safely.
There is something special about connecting with children in this way. Nothing beats in person visits but helping a class of children learn a little more about their fellow students’ friends and family along with interesting and fun facts about cities/states/countries is worth the adventure and time.
I’d like to mail a Flat Evonne to a few places around the world that I have not seen yet and hopefully learn about and enjoy my vicarious adventures. Now I just have to find a willing participant to greet me there.
When you have more decades behind you than ahead of you the mirror reflection tells a much deeper story than just wrinkles and lines.
Each line represents a story, a moment in time when life happened. Perhaps we can’t trace each one to a specific event but we certainly can recall occurrences that brought about an emotion or two and left it’s mark.
When we look in the mirror, what is our usual reaction, a smile, a frown, a quizzical expression?
Looking in a mirror as a child we see innocence, purity, vulnerability and a spark of hope for what is yet to come. If you’ve ever noticed children seeing their reflection in a mirror it usually includes a smile. They like what they see. Why not? It’s validating and inspires confidence. It also encourages experimentation, like sticking out tongues, crossing eyes and generally silly expressions that promote laughter and creativity.
Somewhere along life’s journey that smile may become hard to muster in some cases. It’s obviously still available to see and on occasion we might surprise ourselves with a big grin, but we use it sparingly.
For those who read my blogs regularly, you know that I often include a list of some sort. Here is another one.
Reasons to resurrect your smile in 2022.
We’ve all heard that it takes less facial muscle to frown than to smile so we might want to smile more often just for the pure exercise value.
We’ve been seeing masks for about two years now and we all need to see folks smiling again.
Smiling at others signals that you see them and you care about them.
Smiling at yourself in the mirror sends positive, self-affirming signals to your brain.
Smiles cost you nothing, but yield great benefits.
Even your dog appreciates your smile, according to new studies on the subject.
With the last few years of not seeing faces, it’s about time to break out those smiles again. Never thought much about New Year’s resolutions before, mainly because they are so hard to keep. But this smiling thing might just be doable. Give it a try, I know I am.
Dogs can learn to recognize smiles, a study indicates. (Image credit: Caroline Kjall/stock.xchng)
As parents we often find ourselves focused on the “raising” of our children rather than the relishing of every moment. We take the responsibility seriously, reading whatever we can find, asking friends and family with more experience than us or just learning what works through trial and error.
It occurs to me that I might have benefited from a do-over, but I’m not afforded that possibility. That is unfortunate because age can provide a greater perspective on what is really important. I’ll have to settle for the belief that my children survived their time with me and are well-adjusted adults knowing how to contribute to their community.
They often tell me that they are thankful for me and their father but we made plenty of mistakes.
Even though there are no parenting do-overs, I have the incredible privilege of being a Grammy. It’s a much better family position in my opinion. You don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. You don’t feel the need to be in constant control of every situation. You don’t even need to raise your voice.
Having also been a teacher and school and district administrator I’ve learned what doesn’t work by way of punishment, discipline and so called motivation. I’ve written extensively about these in my book and other blog entries here on my website. Threats, praise/rewards for compliance and withholding based on behavior are unproductive and harmful tactics often used in schools and at home.
Obviously being a parent comes with a few caveats.
There is no manual.
There is no one size fits all.
There is a short window of time.
What’s important is to relinquish the urge to mold your children into your perfect image. None of us is perfect.
How do we undo any negative residual effects based on how our parents may have “raised” us? How do we focus on the positives while supporting the growth and well-being of our little charges? It’s definitely not for the faint-hearted. It’s hard work and exhausting until we realize that it’s not really that hard after all.
The terms “child-rearing, raising our kids, training them, or teaching them” may be misnomers. I’ve discovered that parenting is more about us than our children. Are we willing to learn what we need to learn in spite of what we think we know?
Humility and forgiveness along with a heavy dose of love are essential ingredients for a successful experience with our children.
I’m able to contribute to the growth of my three year old grandson, since we spend at least three days a week together. I love his mind, heart and energy. I’m the benefactor of the gifts he brings and freely shares with me. In a sense, being with this little guy is kind of a do-over.
I’ve compiled a short list of reminders for those of you who are parenting for the first time.
PLAY with your toddler, child, or young person.
Put your hand held devices away and BE IN THE MOMENT.
Resist the urge to punish. LOOK for underlying causes instead and address those.
LISTEN to them and follow their lead.
The FIRST FIVE YEARS are critical but so are the remaining ones.
I often suggest homeschooling for those who can do it. But homeschooling that just replicates school is not what I suggest. There are plenty of good resources for parents willing to give it a shot. Connect with those resources in your area and consider the benefits for both you and your child.
In the meantime, embrace your role as parent. It’s how you learn who YOU really are, so you can become even better!
School Re-Imagined 